Above: BodyBreak Theme (Jaunty Version) blaring out of the 1995 SANYO.
Above: the Spraunty (Juanty+Sprint)
Photo Credit: Kathryn ScarfoneAbove: Professor and students Participacting during a 1am Spraunty down West Cordova Street.
Reflections: The Nude Night Sprint, which ended the class was a complete success. Hal Johnson and Joanne McLeod were fantastically sproingy and spreenged. While there is no photo documentation of the sprint, there is lasting effects in the minds of those in attendance. They both leaped, louded, frambled and toe-tinkered toward and apartly in the pitch blackness of Participaction. There were flurries of strobed lightings, obliquely animated light blasts that still-framed their motilities momentarily.
Here is the text from the Learnology Pamphlets handed out to Participactors for:
2010 Old Limp Kids, Friday January 30th, at 45 West Studios.
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Professor Prawns Presents: Special Topics 456
The Subversity of East Vancouver, BC
Way more; Learn-core. Est. 2005
Welcome to Special Topics 456: 2010 OLD LIMP KIDS
Instructor: Dr. Professor Prawns, Ph.3 (Acidic)
Teachers Assistants: Strukov and Gina Gash (waiting or hiding upstairs)
Welcome.
Hello.
(Hello and welcome) to Special Topics 456: 2010 OLD LIMP KIDS
The Special Topic In Learn-ology we will learn about today is:
How to become Highly Reputable Mega-Athlete
or
Why the Bodies of Hal Johnson and Joanne McLeod were Created in 1972 by a Federal Grant issued to Philippe de Gaspé Beaubien to Secretly develop an Ancient Athletic Energy Weapon Code-Named “participACTION.”
But before we begin, you should know that class participation is how we all keep fit and have fun.
Bodybreak: PARTICIPACTION.
To PARTICIPACT: Always read-out-loud everything that is printed in: Bold.
For Practice: A reading from “Still Doing It” by Silvana Simonette (2000)
difficulty level 1
“Nikos was nothing if not persistent. Lets move behind that hedge. Come Sylvie, come. Confused, excited and dazed, I stood and allowed Nikos to lead me behind the thick hedge. We would be well hidden, but I had never done anything like this before. My head was spinning. My body shook in spasms. My labia opening like a flower, the nectar flowing, I wanted to let go, to see the stars whirling in a vertigo of mad enjoyment, to reach the sublime instant of complete oblivion in the arms of a man, a man like Zorba” (Simonette 63).
Good. Good one.
Many people mistakenly believe that there must be a complex and arduous method to becoming a Highly Reputable Mega-Athlete. These people are mistaken. Yes, Yes they are. No, pn, no. yes. They are oblivious to the basic principles of Learnology .These people who believe its is a daunting duaunter of a task to become a Highly Reputable Mega-Athlete are unaware that the modern-day “Olympics” are not derived from the Greek Olympiad, but are actually based on the teachings of an ancient desert-dweeling sect of thin, grey, acrid, maligned, sinewy-Kartoffle Salad children who called themselves the “OLD LIMP KIDS.” Their sinewy phoneme still persists as the “O-lymp-ics” today. The OLD LIMP KIDS (OLK) thrived roughly 2000 years ago In Der Nahr Von Das Persian Gulf where they trained thousands of nude limp-running acolytes for obliquely angled relay-races over the dunes and under the sea.
The OLK’s were originally part of a well known and widely respected mainstream sect called the Heretical Nude Gentiles. They nudely mingled, relay-raced and worshiped together until the “Limp Schism of 13 AD.” Those who would later be called the OLD LIMP KIDS opposed the font of the final proof of the Heretical Nude Gentile Scroll of Relay-Races and Sand-based Sport. From then on, the OLD LIMP KIDS became consensus-based collective of grey mouthed bit-torrents of dweeling and unadulterated pure-competition. They competed without joy, without merit, and without nudity.
Alors, thus, and so on,
Sadly modern day Olympiad has really been about carrying forward arcane teachings of the OLD LIMP KIDS. Therefore:
1. The Subversity of East Van officially non-endorses “LIMPNESS” as a legitimate founding principle of Highly Reputable Mega-Athleticism.
2. Thus, I Professor Prawns, beseech you, my students, to PARTICIPACT.
Today I will reveal to you through the prudent use of participACTION, that it’s sooo easy to be a Highly Reputable Mega-Athlete that it’s a cinch . We will achieve this through three micro-lectures.
Micro-Lecture Number One----------History and Praxis of the Jaunty
Micro-Lecture Number Two:---------Fruit, and How to Use it
Micro-Lecture Number Three:-------Nude Night Invisible Sprint
(Taught by Hal and Joanne)
Micro-Lecture Number One: History and Praxis of the Jaunty
The Jaunty. The Sprint. Or the common usage: Thee-eeee Spraunty. Some say its noble character can only be achieved by those who train obsessively, eat nothing but coiled orange peppers, linseed, 12 raw eggs per pepper, and no hemp oil per egg. The Junt is not the Spraunty. Jaunt Sprint---
Juant. Jaunt. Carl Lewis ran too fast. Linford Christie, Carl Lewis is/are running constantly. Raw cardomon seed, mustard root, fish skins, eye of honey bee, sea salt. Sprint Jaunt-- Junt. Herein, many say that the Jaunty’s noble character can only be achieved by those who train obsessively and live to compete. This, of course was a teaching of the Old Limp Kids. Tonight we Jaunty together as a mass of untrained particiPACTORS. Let us now go for a short Spraunty…
(Commence Local Jaunty application) (Track 1 on Jaunty CD)
Subversity of East Van Instructors Edition IV.
Micro-Lecture Number Two: How I met Hal Johnson
During my practicum for the Subversity of East Vancouver, Hal Johnson and I were dorm-mates at the downtown campus. This was before I met Sing-o-tron, (for those of you who have been to my other classes). One morning I asked Hal Johnson what his secret was. How did he become a Highly Reputable Mega-Athlete? He looked at me and whispered into my eyes,
”Prawns … fruit is love.”
I said, “Hal, do you mean you only eat fruit?
He said, “no, fruit is love”
I said, “Prove it.”
Hal began checking for breathing, elevating and putting pressure on his arm, and then recited this liturgical proof-verse.
Fruit is Love
1: eat the fruit
2: don’t forget that apples are fruit
3: thus eat the apples
4: oranges are inside the market
5: go the market to look at them
6: maybe bring some money
7: look at them with apples in your hands
8: this will be fun for you to do
9: Joanne says eat the fruit at the market
10: they will not like you at the market
11: they don’t like fruit
12: they pretend to like fruit but really only like Joanne
13: laugh at this
14: give them a lot of your money
15: take all of their fruit
16: roll all of their fruit down a high grassy hill
17: fruit likes to be free
18: the secret fruit is already yours
19: it likes to be free
20: roll yourself down a grassy hill
21: your fruit will love it
22: we are fruit and we have fruit and fruit is love
we are fruit and we have fruit and fruit is love
23: eat the love
24: now there is fruit in your colon
25: eat your colon
26: roll down to the orchard and plant your colon there
27: make colon wine
28: the hill calls you
29: the market doesn’t want its fruit
30: fruit eat fruit
31: okay, now go to Hal’s house.
He told me to recite this poem everyday, all the time.
Micro-Lecture Number Three: The Nude Night Invisible Sprint
And now what we have all been waiting for… Upstairs in the Pitch darkness of participACTION, awaits Nude Night Sprinters/Spraunters, back from the dead, Hal Johnson and Joanne McLeod. Now, we witness total participACTION, via the earthly conduits of these primordial Highly Reputable Mega-Athletes. Upstairs, When I say “BODYBREAK” you all need to yell “PARTICPATION” to commence the proceedings.
Let us Practice:
BODYBREAK
PARTICIPACTION
Good.
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